After class, Mike said he's got something to tell me.

It's not like we're BFFs or anything, but I don't really have close friends, so I suggested we go sit somewhere even though I wanted to go home already.

We went to the cafeteria and he told me his paper got accepted to Science. I was scared. I don't know why. But I showed him I'm happy for him, which was also something I felt, among everything else.

Then, for forty minutes, he told me all about how he's been working his butt off these past few months and how happy he is with his wife and that now he even has some free time to play Civilization with me so if I feel like it some evening just let him know. 

I kept showing him how happy I was for him. And I really was happy. But I used up all my listening resources in class, and I felt the increasing pressure of having to catch the bus. I should've probably taken the car in the morning, but I didn't feel like dealing with the traffic, and I had no idea Mike would wanna talk after class.

When it was too much, I told him I needed to get to the bus stop. He looked at his watch and said there's no way I'd make it. I knew he was right. Mike was usually right.

He said "no worries, I'll give you a ride", and I didn't feel comfortable with it, but I agreed because I thought it would also be an opportunity for him to show me his old Honda that he told me he got for a great price and that she's got at least another 100k miles in her.

When we got into his Honda, I expected him to tell me again how he got her for a great price, but he immediately asked where I lived, so I gave him my address.

"Ahh, the southwest side of town". I'm not good with directions, but Mike is, and he turned the Honda in the exact heading and pressed the gas all the way down. 

The car went up on the sidewalk and leaped into the air, and then climbed on and over the house that was there. I wasn't sure if this was normal driving for him and if I should do anything, but Mike kept flooring the gas. His Honda cooperated and went up and past all the backyards and houses and the traffic on the highways without any effort, and in just a few moments, we stopped right in front of my driveway. It was suddenly quiet. I didn't know how he did that, so I asked.

"I don't know", he told me. It was the first time I heard him say these words. Mike knows a lot of things, and it's important for him that others know that. Maybe because we were now outside the university, he didn't care anymore. Or maybe he wanted to say it because it was a car conversation outside the house, which is the most intimate type of conversation there is, since it's a small space and you breathe the same air, and it's the last chance you get to say what you really want before you say goodbye and that's that.

He then told me that he had a rough patch a while ago, when he was alone and he failed at everything he tried and he stepped in dog shit every Monday and Thursday. Just after he'd had enough, he got in his Honda, closed his eyes, and just floored it. When he arrived, he opened his eyes and saw he was in front of the community center where he met his wife.

"And the rest is history". I saw that he was about to tell me again how wonderful his wife is so I cut him off before he could start.

"But wait, how do you do that?"

"The trick is to not think about it. I hold the steering wheel straight, close my eyes, and press the gas all the way down. Just don't peek, so you don't turn the wheel on instinct or hit the brakes out of fear before you get there, where it's dangerous to stop."

I told him this sounds unsafe, and he said that it'll kill him someday, but to him, the risk of not taking risks is bigger.

I don't know if Mike was right that time or not, but two days later he didn't show up to class and they said he died. I didn't listen after that.

I went back home and changed into my pajamas. I slept and got up a few times, sometimes with the cycle of days and sometimes not. At first, I told the university it was the flu, then, I said it was problems back home, and then I stopped saying things. There was no reason to. I've fallen so far behind that even professors didn't bother asking me when or if I'm ever coming back.

This morning, I've had enough. Without thinking, I found myself taking the car keys and stepping outside in my pajamas and socks. I got in the car. When I turned on the engine, I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. My right foot left the brake pedal and moved right. I felt the cold and slippery metal of the gas pedal through my sock, and floored it.