I never thought I would end up like this – like a tabloid horror story. Someday I bet I'll be discovered dead, here in my tiny, piss-scented apartment, being devoured by my seventy cats.
Thing
... [+]
Dapper in a topcoat and tails, feet moving fast and graceful as birds skimming still waters, he whirled and swooped, catching my mother, still young and slim, by the waist, bending her backward. She laughed, lips parted, mouth open, teeth even and gleaming. Light tangoed down her black curls.
He woke, his limbs lifeless. He could no more have moved them than stopped the sun in its arc across the sky. He could not even raise his hand to wipe the sleep from his eyes.
My mother sat by his side, watching, waiting. Her hair was grey, her face lined as a skinned week-old apple. In her hand was an envelope.
"They want to publish your story," she said. "Lost Dreams Quarterly wants to publish ‘The Night I Danced Like Gene Kelly.'"
Daddy smiled. It was a good story, his story. The story of a man who danced all night, moving without thought or effort, fluid as water, unfettered as imagination, only to awake locked in a frozen body, a body in which only his mind could dance.
The life of the mind is a fine thing, but not the only thing, he thought.
He'd never danced like Gene Kelly, never danced at all. He'd been plagued his whole life by illness and injury, like a tree infested with heart rot. It might lie dormant for a while, but it was entwined in his bones and blossomed forth with the depressing regularity of winter. Disease had hardened the liquid in his joints, leaving him with a spine of solid bone. His spine had been rigid since he was twenty. He'd survived, even joyfully, but never danced. At forty, he'd fallen from a bike and snapped his spine like a dried wishbone. He'd enjoyed gliding along smooth pavement with minimal effort and only a little pain.
"What are they paying?"
"No pay . . . and one other thing; they want to cut the end."
"What?"
"They want to cut the end where you wake up and find yourself paralyzed."
"But that's the whole point of the story."
She looked at the envelope in her hand.
"I won't do it," he said. "There's no point in a story about a man dreaming he's dancing. What makes it a story is that it's the dream of a cripple . . . a man who can't even. . . ." He blinked.
She wiped away the hard yellow crystals in the corners of his sleep-encrusted eyes.
"I know. But you should do it, just to publish again." She held up a paper. "This is the contract. It gives them editorial and publication rights."
"No," he said. "Without the end it's nothing."
She cleared a space on the narrow bedside table, pushing aside tissue boxes, a green plastic water pitcher, Q-tips, gauze, Vaseline. She laid the paper on the table and rummaged in her purse. She pulled out a pen.
"What are you doing?"
She pressed the end of the pen and began to sign the paper. "One last publication."
"It's not the last. I still have stories in me."
She shrugged, raising bent shoulders. The pen wasn't working.
"I don't want to die."
She sighed.
"I won't have my story butchered. My story is all I have."
She shook the pen and tried again. This time it worked. She bent down and kissed his dry cheek. "I'll come visit you tomorrow," she said, rising with effort. She left, closing the door softly behind her.
He woke, his limbs lifeless. He could no more have moved them than stopped the sun in its arc across the sky. He could not even raise his hand to wipe the sleep from his eyes.
My mother sat by his side, watching, waiting. Her hair was grey, her face lined as a skinned week-old apple. In her hand was an envelope.
"They want to publish your story," she said. "Lost Dreams Quarterly wants to publish ‘The Night I Danced Like Gene Kelly.'"
Daddy smiled. It was a good story, his story. The story of a man who danced all night, moving without thought or effort, fluid as water, unfettered as imagination, only to awake locked in a frozen body, a body in which only his mind could dance.
The life of the mind is a fine thing, but not the only thing, he thought.
He'd never danced like Gene Kelly, never danced at all. He'd been plagued his whole life by illness and injury, like a tree infested with heart rot. It might lie dormant for a while, but it was entwined in his bones and blossomed forth with the depressing regularity of winter. Disease had hardened the liquid in his joints, leaving him with a spine of solid bone. His spine had been rigid since he was twenty. He'd survived, even joyfully, but never danced. At forty, he'd fallen from a bike and snapped his spine like a dried wishbone. He'd enjoyed gliding along smooth pavement with minimal effort and only a little pain.
"What are they paying?"
"No pay . . . and one other thing; they want to cut the end."
"What?"
"They want to cut the end where you wake up and find yourself paralyzed."
"But that's the whole point of the story."
She looked at the envelope in her hand.
"I won't do it," he said. "There's no point in a story about a man dreaming he's dancing. What makes it a story is that it's the dream of a cripple . . . a man who can't even. . . ." He blinked.
She wiped away the hard yellow crystals in the corners of his sleep-encrusted eyes.
"I know. But you should do it, just to publish again." She held up a paper. "This is the contract. It gives them editorial and publication rights."
"No," he said. "Without the end it's nothing."
She cleared a space on the narrow bedside table, pushing aside tissue boxes, a green plastic water pitcher, Q-tips, gauze, Vaseline. She laid the paper on the table and rummaged in her purse. She pulled out a pen.
"What are you doing?"
She pressed the end of the pen and began to sign the paper. "One last publication."
"It's not the last. I still have stories in me."
She shrugged, raising bent shoulders. The pen wasn't working.
"I don't want to die."
She sighed.
"I won't have my story butchered. My story is all I have."
She shook the pen and tried again. This time it worked. She bent down and kissed his dry cheek. "I'll come visit you tomorrow," she said, rising with effort. She left, closing the door softly behind her.