Realizing My Worth

4 min

I'm a girl scout, former JROTC memebr and I do just about anything creative and productive (i also love video games)  [+]

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I was never what they called or described as "normal". Even as a child I was considered strange. Other kids would say I was a freak or nobody, while my teachers and family member said I had eyes that looked through doors. However I never understood what that saying meant, after all there was no door in front of me. Could they have meant a glass door?I would look up into their deep brown knowledgeable eyes with my own lost brown orbs and ask.
" What do you mean?" How ever they never answered as they went about their buisness. In third grade I had grown up a little more however I was still tormented by my horrible past that continued relentlessly, it was as if I was constricted by invisible bindings of my emotion. The bullying became physical later on and I would run home crying, however my single mother couldn't help me as she was always busy with my sick, depressed older sister and energetic little brother. I was torn between letting my mother take care of my siblings, or go running to her anyway without acknowledging my siblings needs. So instead I stayed in the corner of the livingroom drawing the friends I wished for, from faries to aliens. My imagination had cut loose from it's chains, finding myself drawing many characters on all the papers I recieved everyday. One day I was sitting at recess when three kids came my way; Thomas Butcher, Gina King, and Jeffrey Clifton. I payed them little attention, and as I unfortunately expected they began to taunt me, pull my hair, and shove me back to the ground while the teachers weren't looking.
"Your such a cry baby! No wonder Victoria forgot about you." Gina laughed as tears brimmed my eyes. I knew her words weren't true, Victoria didn't forget me. Gina was the one who seperated us.
"Aw what'cha gonna do? Cry to your Mommy and Daddy? Oh wait, you don't have a dad because he decided you weren't good enough!" Thomas laughed.
"Please leave me alone..." I pleaded but they didn't listen.
"Hey, Leave her alone." A tall blonde girl demanded in a quiet yet threatening tone, one look at her and the bullies immediately stopped laughing.
"Go away and mind your own buisness!" Gina exclaimed but immediately shut her mouth as the blonde dressed in black stepped over to her, towering over all three if them and without a single from any of them the three turned and left. I was shocked and not because the bullies listened, but because that was the first time anyone has ever stood up for me in the last three years. Not even my sister stood up for me after witnessing my problem.
"Are you okay?" She asked as I blinked dumbfounded as I uttered out a yes and thank you, and with my short reply she walked off towards the teachers. On my bus I had seen her to my surprise and I couldn't help but watch from a far, wondering why she had done such a thing even though my status as a fellow student was clear as day. For the next few days I had come to learn her name was Jessica, well known for being a bit of a trouble maker however this only caused me to be interested more. What did a a supposedly bad girl get from helping a hopeless case such as myself? I wanted the answer to that very question so on the bus I did the very thing I had never done unless told to, I sat with her swallowing my shyness and fear. She stared at me bewildered at first and we simply stared in silence until I decided I had to make the first move.
"Hi, my name is Amber Mayling Ortiz. Whats your name?" I asked holding out my small hand.
"...Jessica Faught." She said shaking my hand then turning to face the window much to my disappointment, however I stood determined to get to know her.
"I...I just wanted to say thank you for helping me the other day." I said trying to continue the conversation however before she could even reply I was pulled out of the seat by my wrist and pulled to the back.
"What are you doing? You can't sit with her, she's a bad influence!" My older sister Ciara scolded me as she put me on the inside of the seat, at this moment though I refused to be obedient as I always stood.
'She's a bad influence? Say the one that couldn't even do me one simply favor that a complete total stanger did in your place!' I thought angrily as I glanced at the bus driver who stepped out the bus for unknown reasons, and for my eyes only to see my imaginary friend Yasmine Jay pointed out chance and for once I acted out my instinct. Grabbing the top of the seat and launching myself over."I don't care!" I shouted as I landed in the seat instantly getting up and out into the aisle running from my sisters reach and back to Jessica much to everyone's surprise. Once I knew my sister wouldn't come to get me I pulled out my journal with all my sketches and began to draw something for Jessica when she suddenly spoke.
"You like to draw?" She asked.
"Yeah, do you?" I asked as she nodded pulling out her own journal, and after that I had instantly grown to like her and would come over to her house. We became best friends and stood up for each other when ever kids tried to bully me for being myself or for Jessica because of her height and weight, we becaome inseparable and even formed a small group of "castout" or "freaks" like us.
Later on in sixth grade I was in gym without Jessica or our small groupn we formed over the years when I found a former bully if mine, Emya Brown was bullying another student and I instantly stepped up."Back off Emya." I stated cooly with a stern face as she turned towards me towering over me and puffing her chest out which was unfortunately right in front of my face but I didn't back down, in fact I stood my ground and even raised a brow at her without even a single flinch.
"Leave her alone Emya, no one wants your fugly boobs in their face." The girl claimed standing at my side now and with a glare Emya walked away talking garbage about us but we couldn't care less.
"Hey, um..." She trailed off.
"Amber." I introduced myself with a smile feeling my shyness swoop in.
"Yeah, Thanks for standing up for me Amber. I'm Adrianna Decius." She introduced as she smiled. Later on in reading class I sat quietly enjoying the adventurous story of the girl who walked two moons, taking note that she had quite the unique connection with everyone. That's when I realize, flashbacks rolling through my head as if it were sculpted to real life.My Grandma spoke to me in spanish my Grandpa translated for her.
"He said your eyes can see what others cannot." He esplained. It was then I knew the anwer to the question I had long since forgotten. I saw through people by seeing their pain through their eyes, I was forced to mature, to make connections and like my great grandfather said I appeared before a door that was now open as I realized.
My past does not define me, my heart will be my guide for myself and other. I'll make my own path on my way, and continue facing my fears no matter what came in my way. This is my life, I'll decide my worth alone.

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