Colonel Mathura beckons me forward, but the balcony is a maw with a balustrade of marble teeth. The crowd devours me with their cheers. I shuffle forward to be consumed by their support. The midday ... [+]
The sounds of papers flipping reverberated through the room. Pens and highlighters were scattered messily on the floor. Each flip of the script was filled with frenzied scribbling. Annotation after annotation, line after line. The slices of sharp pain shot up my chest from my abdomen, aching in bouts and disappearing with the lack of attention. It eventually stopped. Or perhaps I just grew numb. Hunger meant nothing to me now.
"Sera?" That sickeningly familiar voice shook me out of my trance.
"Seraphina, you should eat. I'm worried about you," Diana whispered, as though the papers would start flying if she spoke too loudly. Brushing past her, I retrieved another glass of lemon water. Lilith... what a complex character. Diana trailed into the kitchen, rummaged through the cupboards, and handed me a granola bar. Just as I set out to reject it, my stomach let out a reverberating grumble. Sighing in annoyance, I took the snack from her hands and started nibbling on it.
Diana. Seraphina's pretty older sister. The golden child. She was loved so dearly by our parents and friends, so much more than I could ever receive. Good grades, good looks, good personality. She had it all. From the beginning, I had already lost.
Lilith (sniffling bitterly): You don't see what goes on behind the curtains.
The next morning, Director Cole called me into his office. Exhausted, and still hungry, I nervously turned the knob on the door. My own reflection greeted me. A floor mirror. He gestured me over, guiding me towards the mirror.
"Who do you see in the mirror?"
"Myself. Seraphina."
"Then you aren't getting it."
The script reading with the cast flew by in a blur. Every frown from Cole made my stomach twist and turn. Neither his disapproving sighs nor subtle tilt of his head had been missed. The flurry of voices wrapped around me, leaving me gasping as I desperately tried to writhe out of the net. Yet, every word that my co-star, Celeste, uttered was met with approving nods. "You don't see what-" Cole raised his hands as I said my lines. Not Lilith enough.
As the rehearsal came to an end, I bolted for nearest toilet. As I turned the faucet on, I let the water flow down my palm and through my fingers. The warmth of the water grounding me as I stared at my reflection. A gaunt face stared back. The high pitch creak of a door opening echoed as Diana walked out of a stall. Lunging forward, I let my hands curl around her neck, watching her gasp and attempt to pry my hands off. Tighter. The heat of her neck turning my hands warmer.
"Seraphina..? What are you doing?" Celeste asked, stopping short at the entrance of the toilet. I whipped my head back to Diana, just to find her gone. My hands frozen midair, pressed into the perfect shape of her neck. The warmth of a struggled breathing replaced by a hollow coldness. Celeste stood at the door, knuckles white from gripping the knob. As if I was going to strangle her next.
"Nothing," I lied, forcing a smile. "Just practicing."
She slid past me into a cubicle as I started towards the door, not before catching a glimpse of myself in the mirror. My reflection blinked half a second before I did. The corners of her lips turned into a barely perceptible curve.
"Again, Lilith. From the top." Cole had started calling me into his office for extra practice and made me go by Lilith to "get me into the role". Every session ended with the same reminder: You know you are replaceable, Seraphina. Don't waste my time. Still, in each session I could feel the words leaving my mouth less strained. No longer just imitation, but instead, a deeper understanding of Lilith.
The cameras were set to roll, crew members bustling with eagerness. Yet, my dressing room was thick with rigid silence. It felt just like every other day, although this one was not. Or perhaps the filming had already begun, and I was just the last person to notice it. Cole's voice jolts me out of my daze.
"Lilith," his hand reaching for my waist. As I teetered out of the dressing room, I heard him for the last time, "lose yourself."
(Scene 63 – INT. APARTMENT – NIGHT)
The room is dim. A single lamp flickers against peeling wallpaper. A half-eaten bowl of congee congeals on the dining table.
LILITH stands by the window, her back to DORIAN (her lover). Her dress hangs loose, her breathing steady, deliberate.
DORIAN
You're quiet again. You know I hate it when you're like that.
LILITH
Do you?
(beat)
Or do you hate that you can't tell what I'm thinking anymore?
DORIAN sets down his glass down with a clink, cautious.
DORIAN
Look, I said I was sorry. It was just a mistake—
LILITH
A mistake.
(laughs softly)
Was it really? Or did you just think I wouldn't find out?
A clock ticks in the background, LILITH's footsteps echoed as she stepped towards the kitchen.
LILITH (cont'd)
You said you loved me.
This... this is not love.
She turns, finally facing DORIAN. A knife glints faintly in her hand — not raised, not hidden, just there.
DORIAN
Cut. What the hell. Seraphina, let me speak to you in private.
LILITH
Wrong line.
Lilith lunged forward with the knife, pushing it into the chest of the man she once loved so deeply.
The room froze as Cole's gurgling filled the air as he choked on his own blood. The lights grew brighter, sending streaks of white lines across my vision. I staggered through the crowd of panicked people — rushed footsteps and orders being hurled around. Stopping short at the front door of the rented apartment, I turned to the mirror beside me. The small red dot from the camera reflected from behind me. Still rolling. Cole was slumped against the wall, as a pool of red encircled him.
"Who do you see now?" I whispered, barely audible.
And this time, Lilith smiled back.