Fear had paralyzed her from a very early age. Although she didn’t know the name of it. She had learned to recognize its appearance creeping up from her toes gluing her feet in one spot, it reached into her bladder and squeezed. As barely detectable urine leaked, nausea would hit. Bile rose up and threatened to empty her stomach. As her heartrate increased she became paralyzed, frozen in the moment.
Only later in life had she learned these were signs of all-encompassing fear. At interviews, doctor’s visits and while driving she often dealt with this issue. Every time the darkness would descend, she would give into it and become totally immobilized. Because of this, she had a very weak image of herself.
So, when she became pregnant she wrestled with the idea of ending the pregnancy. How could she raise a child when everything scared her? Could she pass this issue on to her child? She had so many questions. She was even afraid to answer the questions, so her pregnancy continued.
Week by week, she grew a connection with the little being inside of her. Singing and reading to him helped in some way. She even nicknamed him Sam. As she grew fear was always present, but becoming a mother kept her so busy some days she forgot to be afraid. Love and devotion to her child had taken over her life.
Sam had been sick for a week now and the doctor was going to run tests. Sara felt the darkness seep back in and threaten to immobilize her once again. Seeing him so week and delicate moved something deep within. When he was diagnosed with Leukemia, she felt the familiar pressure and nausea rise up. Processing what the doctor said Sara decided right then she would be strong for her son.
Pulling all the courage she didn’t know she had she looked the doctor in the eyes. Swallowing the nausea, she said “What do we have to do to beat this thing?” She as a mother, had found something greater that her fears. Love would give her all the courage she needed to persevere through this hard time.