Pa had always had a lot of respect for Sam's grandmother.
That must have been at least partly to do with what people in the village used to say about her.
Pa used to say that civilization took
...
[+]
"I'm dying"
That's the first thing Helen said to me since I was here. She had been quiet for quite some time even after I ordered meals for both of us. Her Rolex glimmered under the light of chandelier and reflected in her emotionless violet eyes.
I froze. Fork in my hand, with spaghetti on it.
"What do you mean you're dying?"
"Breast Cancer. Third Stage" She said calmly, like it's just writing a check.
The jazz music was playing in the hotel restaurant but all I heard was the silence between us. I thought our gathering was as usual as the previous ones. Sharing our busy life, discussing the shitty politics, planning our next trip. Perhaps having desserts as well.
Not the breast cancer.
My cellphone buzzed on the table. It probably was Michael. I knew he was working on the marketing report and was due on Monday. He had been dealing with some problems with the report.
I shut the phone down, trying to focus on Helen.
"..."
"You know, the last time I had a body check was 5 years ago." She started it. Eyes locked on her dumplings but not looking at them. Her long eyelashes covered her beautiful eyes. That's when I noticed her eyelids were a bit puffer.
She had cried.
"But then I was employed, had been working so hard to get the promotion offer. I worked overnight at least twice a week until 12AM. I slept for less than 5 hours then I woke up at 6.30AM to go to work."
She had a sip on the hot lemonade. She had always ordered Americano whenever we met, even at night.
"I remember once, I forgot it was my dad's birthday so I stayed behind in the company and muted my phone so I could be concentrated. I remember the faces of my parents when I was finally home at 1AM."
"I remembered that too. You dialed my number later and told me you were the worst daughter in the world"
"I also promised my dad that I would make it up. I made an appointment in the hotel buffet. I never thought he would die of a car crash not long after. I could not even make it to the hospital, definitely the worst daughter ever."
I held still. I remembered that, too. Helen lost 10 pounds within a month and almost passed out in the funeral. Her pale face remained for a while. I knew her heart had been dug a big giant hole, leaking part of herself.
"After that, I tried to accompany my mom as much as possible. I was all she had. She was all I had" She took another sip.
Helen's mother was an angel. She was always supportive for Helen. She had the tender and lovely violet eyes. The unforgettable eyes. And she was the center core for Helen. She loved humming songs while making dessert in the tiny kitchen, with the running exhaust fan.
"I didn't stay behind anymore but I still worked overnight because I brought the work home and I stayed up late finishing them after my mom went to bed. I didn't want her to know how much work I needed to accomplish."
I took a sip on the Oat Milk Latte. That reminded me when I was still a fresh grad student and having an internship in data analysis. I locked myself in my room after dinner and when I came out to took a shower it was already midnight. My parents were already asleep so I had to be very quiet.
"I kept pretending, until she died of plane crash a year later." Helen said in a neutral tone. "She could not make any last words for me." Her skinny hands with faded blue nail polish grabbed the mug harder, secretly mourning and fussing for her loss.
I put my cold hands above hers and I realized how thin and vulnerable she had become. Her hands, even though holding tight to the hot mug, were colder than mine. And I could almost wrap up her fingers and palms.
"3 months later, Lily died of heart attack. I had planned to celebrate her 18th birthday."
Lily was Helen's cat. A mix-blood with big watery eyes. I remember her soft black fur and how she purred on my lap whenever I visited Hel. She always jumped up whenever she heard the noise of opening cans like she was starved forever.
"I had been working so hard because I wanted to be promoted so I could offer them the best. And they left me." Hel said, her eyes hugged to the tears of loneliness and sorrow. "Now I have breast cancer. It feels like I have gone all in with my promotion."
Helen shoulders were trembling under her black suit jacket, the one she wanted to purchase before she was the top manager. I remember the face when she said that someday she would wear it and amaze everyone. Proud, confident, fearless.
Now she was wearing it. Lonely, broken, defeated like a soldier without his soul on the sandlot, lost in his survival.
"..."
I held tight to her hands. She really went all in.
"I really wish I had spent more time with them" Helen said. Her closure was finally put on the desk. Somehow, I wondered if this was the haunting ghost after her body check. That she realized she always saw promotion as her top priority after her family were all gone, leaving her nothing but behind.
I looked at my ring I put on my middle finger. It was a blind faith that a ring on middle finger would bring you great fortune. Helen had one on her finger too, but where was her fortune?
"What are you going to do about it?" I spit it out with all my strength. This was unbearable. It felt like accepting something that you thought would not happen on you, and once you did, it would turn to be undeniable and you had no plan B.
You still had to.
Helen took a deep breath, eyes reddened with tears bursting out. "I'm going to receive treatment tomorrow and I quitted my job this morning. I don't want to focus on my work anymore. I have already sacrificed everything for it."
"You get the fund for the treatment, do you?"
"Yeah, with all my savings. I planned to retire 10 years earlier and spend all of it traveling around the world with you"
I smiled, at the vulnerable fantasy we shared.
"If I was recovered..."
"You will be recovered" I said firmly, like a sulking child.
A weak smile on her face, "Alright, if I am recovered, let's go to Paris together. I promise you I will go all in with my treatment, like I did for my promotion"
I drove her home after dinner. She was more talkative in my hatchback.
"Make your appointment for a complete body check, at least once a year"
"Don't stay up late anymore, go home and sleep earlier instead"
"Go buy yourself a health insurance"
"Call your parents whenever you're free"
"Do exercises every weekend"
"Will you visit me?"
"Of course I will" I promised her.
We greeted goodbye under the dimmed streetlight and I watched her enter her glorious big gate aside my hatchback. Once she disappeared, I wiped my eyes, praying to God please did not be harsh on her, and me.
I grabbed my phone from the flap pocket on my suit, and made a call to my parents.
"Hey mom, want to have breakfast together this Sunday? We could go shopping after that. Do you and dad need anything?"