It is 4:16 am and I do not recognize myself in the mirror
The sunken face, eyes with no light
It has been exactly 1 hour and 23 minutes since I last cried about you
I rearranged my room so the memories of you would leave at the door
But every time I shut my eyes and start to fall asleep I feel a kiss on my neck and an arm thrown around my waist and it jolts me upright
I’m sure you haven’t thought of me
I see you ice skating with what used to be my friends, our friends, and now your friends
They choose you but do not know what happened that October between you and me
I am thirty pounds lighter, and yet I feel heavy every time your name is mentioned or I see the color red
Oh, the irony, how you cried to me about you ex and now you are mine
But a new semester with 18 credits to fill the niche
My mind will be filled with integrals and solvents I cannot name the reaction for
But this boy texts me
Asks, “Do you want to get coffee?”
No. I want peace.
Yet I find myself distracted by his smile and open arms
He is honest. You were not.
He is kind. You were originally.
He let’s me have the last chicken nugget.
He let’s me have the coffee in his dirty cup.
He wakes up at 3 am kisses my forehead and pulls me closer
He laughs when I stand in front of his mirror with his sweatpants and shirt that are three sizes too big on me
But I like the way I look in the mirror
I see a muscular and healthy self
I see my smile is real and it warms my face like a summer sunset
I look youthful with a blush on my face
It is 8:32 pm
It has been over 8 weeks since I cried about you
But you will never have that control over me again
I am finally me again
I don’t need to count the hours and minutes and seconds to the last time I cried about you
I see you everyday but I no longer crumble in your gaze
I stand on my feet as the person you fell in love with
I have taken this pain and made it beautiful
The mirror is just the reflection of this transformation
The sunken face, eyes with no light
It has been exactly 1 hour and 23 minutes since I last cried about you
I rearranged my room so the memories of you would leave at the door
But every time I shut my eyes and start to fall asleep I feel a kiss on my neck and an arm thrown around my waist and it jolts me upright
I’m sure you haven’t thought of me
I see you ice skating with what used to be my friends, our friends, and now your friends
They choose you but do not know what happened that October between you and me
I am thirty pounds lighter, and yet I feel heavy every time your name is mentioned or I see the color red
Oh, the irony, how you cried to me about you ex and now you are mine
But a new semester with 18 credits to fill the niche
My mind will be filled with integrals and solvents I cannot name the reaction for
But this boy texts me
Asks, “Do you want to get coffee?”
No. I want peace.
Yet I find myself distracted by his smile and open arms
He is honest. You were not.
He is kind. You were originally.
He let’s me have the last chicken nugget.
He let’s me have the coffee in his dirty cup.
He wakes up at 3 am kisses my forehead and pulls me closer
He laughs when I stand in front of his mirror with his sweatpants and shirt that are three sizes too big on me
But I like the way I look in the mirror
I see a muscular and healthy self
I see my smile is real and it warms my face like a summer sunset
I look youthful with a blush on my face
It is 8:32 pm
It has been over 8 weeks since I cried about you
But you will never have that control over me again
I am finally me again
I don’t need to count the hours and minutes and seconds to the last time I cried about you
I see you everyday but I no longer crumble in your gaze
I stand on my feet as the person you fell in love with
I have taken this pain and made it beautiful
The mirror is just the reflection of this transformation