A Poetic Memoir

What Would You Do?
If you caught the wind in your hand, what would you do with it?
Would you marvel at its strength and beauty?
Listen to the music it makes as it shows off and prances around?
Would you let go, out of fright?
Or would you grab it by the tail, hold on as tight as you can and enjoy the ride?
What happens if it takes you somewhere you don’t want to go?
Would you try to tame it and guide it in another direction?
Or, would you hold on until it comes, full force and the ride were no longer enjoyable?
Is it then that you would let it go?
Maybe you don’t have to let go of the wind when it scares you or blows you around.
Maybe you can enjoy its free spirit and the invisible power it has to move things.
Or maybe you shouldn’t have caught it in the first place.

I am mad at you, because - I love you.
I love you.
And I have fought for your love as long as I can remember.
I’ve given you all of me; all that I have.
And it wasn’t good enough.
You still just seem a shell of a man.
I know you “love me”.
But, I cannot look at that cold expression,
Those Dark eyes,
No feelings.
I will never win.
Even though, now, you seem to try
It looks and feels painful.
And I feel as though I have disrespected myself all of these years,
Begging and praying,
For a love that is not mine.
I am mad at you.
Because you will never love me as I have loved you.

From the very moment we met
I chased you
And although I have steered off course
I have come back - Full Force
Rips in my sails have never slowed me down
I have always been a Wind Dancer, a Sprinter - A Gazelle
The fastest runner around
Until now.
I have slowed down
From the moment we met
I chased you
And now
I’m just tired.

Do you think we are stuck somewhere between Love and Good-bye?
Are we running on auto pilot?
Are we growing?
Are we moving backwards to move forward? Have we lost ourselves and each other....again?
Have we passed each other, once more, like two ships passing in the night?
Have we completed our cycle?
Where are we going? And are we going there together?
Are we running parallel with each other? Will we find out in the end our separate paths have brought us to separate ends?
My days are consumed with thoughts of you- us- them. It’s as if I don’t have any other purpose in life right now, except to think – yet thinking only gets one so far
Actions are needed.
A voice needs to be heard
Something or someone needs to give
A plan – not an attack
Success not Failure
One day at a time....everyday...but for how long? How long is too long? How long?
And yet- is it enough
Temptations or Frustrations
Were we ever really “real” to begin with?
Have we changed? Or have our expectations changed? Maybe nothing has changed at all?
Running in circles
I think we know the truth, we just can’t see it.
We are still entranced by the pendulum we have put into motion
It is consistent
Heavy and swings from one extreme to the other
Regulating our somewhere in between
Love or Good –bye