The last time I heard the V word was when my dumb friend Will said it in front of my wife. He was coming in to borrow my toolbox and overheard the stupid argument we were having, and of course, being the dumb liberal he is, he said the damn V word out loud in front of a female.
"Why don't you just get a vasectomy?"
Vasectomy.
V, A, S, E, C, T, O, M, Y. Vasectomy. Every letter pierces my soul and flips every bit of my intestine upside down. Will should have known better; he should have known better to not whisper such dangerous idea into a woman's mind. But now, the damage is done. There is no hope.
After hearing the V word, Noir, my once lovely and caring wife, cannot stop talking about it. She holds so much power over me and I cannot stop thinking about that cruel and heartbreaking separation that might occur to me.
"This conversation is over and should never be brought up again." I have said this a thousand times now after my ex best friend's visit to the house.
"Well, you know, we can spice it up in the bedroom more often if you simply just snip snap..." She always finds a way to manipulate me, but not this time.
"You do realize what you are asking me to give up right?"
"Yes, you are fifty-five now, and I am sure you want to reproduce more offspring."
It doesn't matter if I am fifty-five or seventy-five or twenty-five, the V word takes everything that is beautiful, meaningful and good in this world away from me, the poor me. When I feel bullied and pushed around by my boss, I know I can depend on something to feel like a man again. That something gives me purpose. I don't need to have kids obviously, but the idea of still being able to... I don't know, it gives me hope and I want to hang tight to that hope.
"It's more than that, and you know it." I realize how testy I have been with this issue.
"Oh yeahhhhhh, just like how Dylan knows his two youngest brothers are both accidents, right," I know she would bring up the two little ones, and yes, she and I had some fun back then, "You want another accident popped out of my belly? Then keep your little buddy inside you pants; condoms break, and I am not taking any chances." That is the ultimatum from my wife. I have to give in somehow.
Of course, I try to rationalize the situation and attempt to reconcile with myself. The V word is painless, pretty much harmless, and most importantly, still reversible, and not to talk about all the great benefits that follow along. Never having to wear condom is one, and never have to worry about another expensive accident that we call our sixth child.
I hate it when Noir is right, but the truth is, she usually is, and I think it is time for me to drop my toxic ancient boyish masculinity and just get on with it.
Next thing I know, I am covered in the white hospital gown with nothing down below. I am as naked as a newborn baby full of fear and curiosity for the experience of a lifetime. I am ready to wander and ponder, to seek and find, to take and give, and most importantly, to be active and to be still. I was a man, and still am. I have seen the moment of my greatness flicker, and I am sure I will see more. Mark my words, my journey does not stop here, and it will only carry on even more and more into the future. I love my wife so much, and I am ready to embark on this new chapter of life with the woman I love the most.
In this stream of consciousness of mine, I half-open my eyes just to see where they are wheeling me to. Glancing through the window of a finished operation, I see this man, husband, and father standing up with pride and joy as he battles through his testament. He is proud of himself and he has every right to be so. And I, am ready to be like him.
The doctor comes in with his toolbox, as he is getting ready for my anesthesia, I see the glimmering light shining from the scalpel and I feel the chill coming from my crotch. No more babies, no more sex with reproduction means, and no more penis with a certain prowess.
Snip, snap, and then, my life is over.
Who am I kidding, I am not ready. Jumping up from the bed, I rush into the darkness without ever thinking of turning back.
"Why don't you just get a vasectomy?"
Vasectomy.
V, A, S, E, C, T, O, M, Y. Vasectomy. Every letter pierces my soul and flips every bit of my intestine upside down. Will should have known better; he should have known better to not whisper such dangerous idea into a woman's mind. But now, the damage is done. There is no hope.
After hearing the V word, Noir, my once lovely and caring wife, cannot stop talking about it. She holds so much power over me and I cannot stop thinking about that cruel and heartbreaking separation that might occur to me.
"This conversation is over and should never be brought up again." I have said this a thousand times now after my ex best friend's visit to the house.
"Well, you know, we can spice it up in the bedroom more often if you simply just snip snap..." She always finds a way to manipulate me, but not this time.
"You do realize what you are asking me to give up right?"
"Yes, you are fifty-five now, and I am sure you want to reproduce more offspring."
It doesn't matter if I am fifty-five or seventy-five or twenty-five, the V word takes everything that is beautiful, meaningful and good in this world away from me, the poor me. When I feel bullied and pushed around by my boss, I know I can depend on something to feel like a man again. That something gives me purpose. I don't need to have kids obviously, but the idea of still being able to... I don't know, it gives me hope and I want to hang tight to that hope.
"It's more than that, and you know it." I realize how testy I have been with this issue.
"Oh yeahhhhhh, just like how Dylan knows his two youngest brothers are both accidents, right," I know she would bring up the two little ones, and yes, she and I had some fun back then, "You want another accident popped out of my belly? Then keep your little buddy inside you pants; condoms break, and I am not taking any chances." That is the ultimatum from my wife. I have to give in somehow.
Of course, I try to rationalize the situation and attempt to reconcile with myself. The V word is painless, pretty much harmless, and most importantly, still reversible, and not to talk about all the great benefits that follow along. Never having to wear condom is one, and never have to worry about another expensive accident that we call our sixth child.
I hate it when Noir is right, but the truth is, she usually is, and I think it is time for me to drop my toxic ancient boyish masculinity and just get on with it.
Next thing I know, I am covered in the white hospital gown with nothing down below. I am as naked as a newborn baby full of fear and curiosity for the experience of a lifetime. I am ready to wander and ponder, to seek and find, to take and give, and most importantly, to be active and to be still. I was a man, and still am. I have seen the moment of my greatness flicker, and I am sure I will see more. Mark my words, my journey does not stop here, and it will only carry on even more and more into the future. I love my wife so much, and I am ready to embark on this new chapter of life with the woman I love the most.
In this stream of consciousness of mine, I half-open my eyes just to see where they are wheeling me to. Glancing through the window of a finished operation, I see this man, husband, and father standing up with pride and joy as he battles through his testament. He is proud of himself and he has every right to be so. And I, am ready to be like him.
The doctor comes in with his toolbox, as he is getting ready for my anesthesia, I see the glimmering light shining from the scalpel and I feel the chill coming from my crotch. No more babies, no more sex with reproduction means, and no more penis with a certain prowess.
Snip, snap, and then, my life is over.
Who am I kidding, I am not ready. Jumping up from the bed, I rush into the darkness without ever thinking of turning back.