I'm really sorry, Mr. Hogan. I didn't mean to get in trouble. I really do have a good explanation, I really do!
It's just that I always get hungry when I sit behind Maggie. You see, she has pasta hair.
No, I'm not insulting her! She really does! All her tight yellow curls all twisted together look like Kraft macaroni and cheese. And when I cross my eyes—my Mom always tells me to stop doing that—the color gets even more neon like someone sprayed easy cheese all over it. And I know if someone pulled on strand of her hair, it'd probably stretch forever and ever like the string cheese in commercials.
Her hair isn't always like mac n cheese. At recess or gym class, her hair gets all tangled and grows two sizes. And I swear it turns into a big messy knot of angel hair pasta. But she doesn't really look like an angel when she has hair like that, more like a sweaty shih tzu.
Sometimes she has her hair straightened, and it looks just like spaghetti. Roger told me that in Italy they have spaghetti as long as anacondas. But Maggie only has hair as long as the box spaghetti you get at the store. My Mom makes box spaghetti every Wednesday. One time, she accidentally put the whole box in the pot to boil. My Mom's spaghetti always tastes kind of like cardboard but that day it really did, like glue and tree bark.
Ok sorry, I'll get back on track. It happened during story time. Mrs. Warren was reading the story of Rumpelstiltskin, and we were all sitting on the carpet. Maggie's pasta hair was right in front of me. If I breathed out hard through my nose, her hair would move. But I was listening to the story, I really was! And that's when Mrs. Warren told us, Rumpelstiltskin could spin wheat into gold. And the wheat was just like real gold! It was super heavy, and you could buy things with it. And so, I thought: if wheat can turn into gold, can hair turn into pasta? I had to find out.
So, you see Mr. Hogan, I had no other choice. I just had to lick it.
It's just that I always get hungry when I sit behind Maggie. You see, she has pasta hair.
No, I'm not insulting her! She really does! All her tight yellow curls all twisted together look like Kraft macaroni and cheese. And when I cross my eyes—my Mom always tells me to stop doing that—the color gets even more neon like someone sprayed easy cheese all over it. And I know if someone pulled on strand of her hair, it'd probably stretch forever and ever like the string cheese in commercials.
Her hair isn't always like mac n cheese. At recess or gym class, her hair gets all tangled and grows two sizes. And I swear it turns into a big messy knot of angel hair pasta. But she doesn't really look like an angel when she has hair like that, more like a sweaty shih tzu.
Sometimes she has her hair straightened, and it looks just like spaghetti. Roger told me that in Italy they have spaghetti as long as anacondas. But Maggie only has hair as long as the box spaghetti you get at the store. My Mom makes box spaghetti every Wednesday. One time, she accidentally put the whole box in the pot to boil. My Mom's spaghetti always tastes kind of like cardboard but that day it really did, like glue and tree bark.
Ok sorry, I'll get back on track. It happened during story time. Mrs. Warren was reading the story of Rumpelstiltskin, and we were all sitting on the carpet. Maggie's pasta hair was right in front of me. If I breathed out hard through my nose, her hair would move. But I was listening to the story, I really was! And that's when Mrs. Warren told us, Rumpelstiltskin could spin wheat into gold. And the wheat was just like real gold! It was super heavy, and you could buy things with it. And so, I thought: if wheat can turn into gold, can hair turn into pasta? I had to find out.
So, you see Mr. Hogan, I had no other choice. I just had to lick it.