She did always have the best advice. I believe when I'm in trouble, I miss her the most. At least I believe that's why she's been on my mind.  If you've ever felt the stress of watching a car accident about to happen, then you'd understand my life currently. I always try to be supportive and make sure nobody gets upset. "Human emotions are a powerful and serious consequence". That's what my mom said to me. I thought I understood that in High School. It wasn't until college years that I truly believed I knew what she meant. 20-year-olds can be devious and the most selfish people I've ever met. I always wonder if that's how people view me. 

She's been on my mind recently because of how fast I've been going, how stressed I am, how alone I feel. When a fight arises, she's there. We used to always get in fights, but I always knew she loved me. She would make the worst mistakes look fine. 

Elise and I fight all the time. I don't even know if she likes me or if she just sticks around because there's nobody else. That kind of feeling is the worst, so I focus on others, or I tried until Corey showed up. Seeing someone so misunderstood get wrapped into somebody devious is the most vexatious feeling. The stress of watching a car accident about to happen.  

She would tell me to keep my distance. "If this is what Elise wants, nobody can stop her", I hear her saying. My mom would tell me to "let me take control of my emotions and not to let my emotions control me". I still don't understand and it's not helpful.  

Elise gets mad when I try to do what I believe is helping. Everybody moves on, but she won't listen, it's frustrating and awful with no good outcomes. I don't say anything, and I feel like a bad person, I say something and I feel like a bad person. 

Corey has been ruining Elise for months and I cannot comprehend what manipulative tactics he is moonlighting over her. She's become fractious, I'm becoming more worried, and Corey couldn't care less. I care so much, and Elise doesn't care. It's worse now that he changed her for good.  

I see it all now that she's gone. She was rude, spoiled, and blamed everything on me. Elise can never apologize and she's lazy and stubborn. Elise is in the worst position and won't tell me anything, instead she is rude and I accept. I am not trying to compare her with Elise, I think I was just looking for her replacement.  

I need to stop before I ruin things with Elise. I'm afraid if I push too hard, she will resent me. Resentment is hard to come back from, but it is better than if Corey completely destroys her. I am afraid it will completely destroy us.  

She would ask me why I care so much and honestly, I don't even know. Maybe I'm seething with jealously, maybe I'm just mad she's acting different or that she's hiding things from me.  

I thought there was time to fix it. To talk her out of it, to tell her I loved her one last time. But the Corey destroyed and I came too late.  I realized, too late, that control means nothing when you're already broken." 

I never thought Elise would leave before I got to recognize. Corey made me say my final goodbye to Elise. I will never forgive myself for not pushing him away as I sit here, a liar. The guilt, the shame, the constant feeling over my thoughts consuming every action. Forgiveness, too, is a powerful and serious consequence".  

She would tell me how it's not my fault. I would sparkle back saying how it is my fault but hoping she would say something to let me feel a little less guilt. She always knew what I wanted. She would help me in my worst of times, then she would be my worst of times.  

Elise, I wanted to do more, I tried to warn you. I never fully believed if my intentions were pure, but I will spend my whole life revolved around you. 

The thing is, Elise never thought about the future. She never had a purpose. She made a fuss in secret, which would cause pain later. She never fully understood cause and effect. She never thought going on that one date, or responding to that one text would lead to this.  

Never did I ever expect the worst. I always assume the worst, but I thought there was going to be a happy ending. Maybe that was the worst outcome for me at that time. I always knew I will never be enough. I expected a dark light like Corey would be a part of Elise's life. I never thought this would be the ending.  

I still don't fully know what she would say to me because she's not here with me. Maybe to keep my space until it's not a big problem. Maybe to talk to someone else, but I've been talking repeatedly and still feel and act like this. Maybe to talk it out with her, but what do I say to the one person I love so much, that I despise. There are too many maybes in this scenario. They're both unavailable and I'm alone.  

I miss you, and I hope that you're okay.