Madaline turned around to look back at me as we reached her front door. Her dad would be waiting up just on the other side but we were back well before curfew. I leaned down to lightly peck her lips the same way I had for our last three dates in just as many weeks.
She let it happen, even tilting her face up so I wasn't at an awkward angle, but made no move to kiss back. I brushed her lips with mine to no reaction. The moment I pulled away she placed a hand on my chest and stepped away, putting space between us.
"This has been... nice," she started, drawing her hand back to her side when it became clear I wasn't going to move close again, "Really, it has. I've loved getting to know you on these dates. It's just..."
"It's not really working out," I finished for her, smiling kind of awkwardly. When she blinked up in surprise I just shrugged and looked away. "It's okay, I feel the same way. It was nice having my first dates of highschool be with you but... I think I gotta put you in the friendzone."
Madaline laughed. Half in relief and half in actual humor. "Exactly! Exactly. You're a really great guy but I... there's just no sparks."
***
Penny was a really good kisser. I knew that much. Objectively. Her technique was great and every guy I knew was jealous she had picked me over them. But making out with her in front of my locker now, her hands stroking my body, for the fifth time that week, all I could feel was bored.
She was a great kisser, no denying, but after kissing someone like this for months... it didn't matter that all the other students were jealous of us. The truth was this was getting tedious. And boring.
"Oh, baby," she whispered, lips taking a break to brush against my ear, "tell me I'm pretty."
"You're gorgeous babe," I breathed back. Yeah, I was definitely done after this.
***
"All packed?" Cole asked as I closed the trunk to my car. He was leaning on the side of it, probably having snuck up when I was busy packing everything away.
My face lit up when I saw him. "Cole!" Without thinking I stepped over and scooped him into my arms, planting a fond kiss on his lips as he laughed. When he laughed while we kissed I felt like some of it got inside of me and lifted me up as if we were sharing one breath.
"Come on man," he said, rubbing my hair and stepping out of the hug, "we're breaking up remember?"
My smile dropped a little but I kept it steady for his sake. This was hard on both of us. "I know. I can't follow you to Harvard and long-distance will not work for me. But..." I sighed and looked at my car, all ready to send me off to college, "...I'll miss you."
He gave me one of his amazing smiles. "I'll miss you too. High School was... awesome with you."
"But we have our own paths," I reached out and squeezed his hand, savoring the feeling of his skin brushing against mine. "I don't want to drift away. This is better than that."
"Like ripping off a bandaid," he agreed.
***
"You jerk!" Garrett yelled, hurling a pillow at my face.
I ducked under it and glared at him, my hands clenching unconsciously. "Oh, I'm the jerk now? You're the one cheating on me!"
"I'm not cheating on you, you stupid idiot!" Garret spat, "I was hanging out with Kyle! You know, Kyle who I grew up with? We were just hanging, you didn't have to cuss him out like you did!"
"Sure," I mocked stepping closer, "Just hanging out. Is that why you've been hanging out every day for two weeks? Is that why you do it in the middle of the night?"
Garret rolled his eyes. "What am I, sixteen? I have to get a curfew with you now?"
"No," I said coldly, taking another step towards him. He didn't back away, only glared harder. "No, but you are my boyfriend. And with that comes a bit of loyalty."
"And respect!" He yelled, throwing his arms up and making me flinch back, "And trust! You can't even trust me to go to my best friend's house without flinging accusations? Is that how little you think of me? We don't even go to the bar anymore cause you can't handle seeing another guy flirt with me."
"And am I wrong?" I yelled back, getting right up in his face, "You flirt back! If I don't keep an eye on you you'll just move on to the next fling like always. It's in your blood! This is why your dad-"
He lunged forward and roughly shoved our faces together in a deep, passionate, angry kiss. His soft lips that I had grown so used to still felt like a dance upon my own. The taste of him mixed with salt from our streaming hot tears. I kissed him back just as hard, not wanting to pull away.
When he eventually broke the hold I was too stunned, too off-balance, to say anything, let alone continuing my scolding.
"Get out," Garret said, "Take your stuff and get out of my place. If you really can't trust me that much then just leave. I'll find someone who can."
***
Ben was waiting for me in the kitchen when I got out of the shower. He smiled up at me as I came in, the stove sizzling away beneath him. "Good morning," Ben said, "off to work?"
"Yeah," I replied, brushing past him with a quick peck, "I got a conference out of town today. Probably won't be back until tomorrow night."
He nodded. "I know. You've been working hard lately. I made you some lunch to take with you."
He held up a tupperware container full of stir fry and an orange to the side.
"Thank you." I took it from him and headed out the door.
***
I laid in bed with Henry. Thinking.
Ben had seemed... off this morning. He was usually so talkative and full of life. But today he had been quiet and almost reserved.
Henry rolled over and wrapped me in his arms, giving me a quick kiss as he buried his face in my neck. "Hmm, what are you thinking about?"
"Just work," I lied, stroking his hair.
I lied a lot, recently. To Henry, to Ben, even to myself.
No, not to myself. This... this all makes sense. What I'm doing. After all, I don't love Ben. There are no sparks anymore. No excitement. Henry is a thrill, a ride I never want to get off. I love him so much more.
But the way Ben had looked at me today...
I had always assumed he must have someone else too. A good-looking guy like him? Of course he'd find a lover even quicker than I.
But what if he didn't? What if he had never lied to me?
I've lied to everyone around me. Set up a cage of dishonesty. Of course I've been seeing it everywhere.
I thought more about Ben. Our morning runs in the park. Our first date. Moments I had forgotten. This was a mistake. All of this was such a huge mistake.
"Henry," I said, throwing the sheets off, "Henry, I'm sorry I have to go."
***
At fifty-five I stared into the mirror. Alone for more years than I cared to count. My suit was freshly pressed and my hair combed. I looked good.
That was important. I was getting a promotion today, a head supervisor in my company, and I needed to make a good first impression as such.
My reflection stared back at me blankly while I checked myself over a final time. This was a good man right here. A great man even. Doing great things with his life.
He didn't need anybody else. He never had. This job was going to give him everything. All the power and respect he deserved and craved. He didn't need anyone else.
He didn't.
I leaned forward and just barely brushed my lips against the glass, leaving a small imprint on the mirror's surface when I pulled away.
Straightening my tie, I winked at my reflection and turned away, "That one's for the road, baby."