What it Means to be Different- You Must Suffer to Truly Live


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Image of Fall 2020
Image of Poetry
What it Means to be Different-
You Must Suffer to Truly Live
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Poems about the Transgender Experience
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WAKE UP- You Are Killing Us!

I wake up to the cold, yet damp air touching my exposed skin
I wake up to your words of fear, rage, and oppression
You say you are standing up for women and children
When you are really working to oppress and kill those
who seek to be different

Transgender women are women
Transgender men are men
Non-binary people are real
We are valid
We exist

Your hate is a blow to my heart
I feel your words sinking,
Every inch, further
Breaking into the exterior of my chest
Pounding-
Harder and harder,
In, to, my, chest

Your words are sinister
They are pain and suffering
You look to oppress us-
Tear us down and make us feel worthless
Your hate is rooted in so many systems that
Have existed for far too long
Everyone is suffering
At the hands of this WHITE patriarchy
That was created centuries ago
That only lives to serve one type of person
White,
Cis gender,
Men

While I believe true equality is the belief that everyone is equal
I can’t help but wonder why?
Why should I feel equal to someone who has spent their life
Trying to oppress my people?
And kill us
And erase us-
You
Don’t
Want
Us
To
Exist
It’s too much
Too hard for you
Too much of an inconvenience

I’m sorry you have to learn my pronouns
It must be really difficult for YOU
That must be so hard for YOU

Imagine,
Halfway through your life you change
You are happier
You have never felt more like yourself
And yet
People hate that
And they hate you for it
They don’t want you to be happy
They want to look at you and feel like they know you
But they don’t
And they never will until they accept
That all trans people are VALID
And all non-binary people are VALID
And BIPOC people and queer people
Everyone that seeks to be accepted, can be
Until, your words
Come up
Out of no where
Seeking to destroy everything we have been trying
To build within ourselves
And for what?

For hate-
So, you can carry on living exactly the way you always have
What’s to say you can’t?
Maybe the world will be a bit different
Maybe you’ll be more compassionate- empathetic
Maybe you will feel more like yourself than ever before
Because
What is this hate doing for you?
Does it make you happy?
Do you feel satisfied going to sleep at night
Knowing that your whole world has been built
To destroy anyone around you
That slightly strays from societal norms?
Isn’t that exhausting?
Aren’t you bored?

There is so much-
So much more life can offer you-
Can offer us

There is the notion, that our ancestors created-
Our sick, colonial ancestors
Who I know, I will never follow and will constantly REVOLT
Against those horrifying notions that I hold no value to
I rather look to my indigenous ancestors and celebrate-
Celebrate, that I have a small bit of culture that I am PROUD of
That I believe in-
And want to do everything I can with my white exterior to protect indigenous culture-
To protect other transgender, non-binary, queer people
Because the world needs us
They need us to defy what you say
To REVOLT against your laws
And to carry on the idea that it is okay to be different,
To be authentic,
And to fully embrace the life
You were always meant to live

My Hair is Short- Like My Temper Lately

Freshly cut hair,
Trimmed and molded into a sleek style
I cut my hair a little shorter in March,
Worried it looked too foreign
I quickly colored it a warm tone of peach
To distract from my appearance- a new, more “androgynous” look

Each day, I slowly change
Adding pieces of regalia to my already guarded exterior

Some days, I feel like you are building the ultimate suit of armor
To protect myself from those simple, yet repulsively bleak words

Are you a girl or a boy?

My hair is short, like my temper lately-
its length is irrelevant and dull
My body, is lightly covered in a warm fuzz as I prepare for winter
I dress myself in beautiful costumes, reflecting my mood each
Sometimes, I find myself in beautiful costumes,
Embodying my inner Britney Spears-
While dressing every inch of my body in squeaky, crimson red pleather
Other days I grace the world as a modern-day Freddie Mercury-
Strutting my phat ass around town in vinyl pants and platform boots

No matter what persona I embody each day
I still hear those sharp words muttered under your breath-

Is that a girl or boy?

I am not one or the other-
I am a non-binary deity,
Dominating, questioning, and ruling the gender spectrum,
Presenting however I chose,
Defying gender norms- living free

We have always been here, and we always will be
We live to challenge and revolt against your words

We are everything
The light, the dark,
The belief and the idea that we can be free from gender
And that question on the tip of your tongue

A Goddexx- Not One or the Other

I took the pain, the PTSD, the trauma and went into myself-
I was born as a woman, but I never really felt like one

I never really fit into that body, that role-
I hated what women were expected to be like- the unimaginable, stereotypes and roles we are expected to take on feels unimaginable.

Women are beautiful creatures- they are magic, they are creators of life-
I admire these things- I admire the tenacity and perseverance each woman is graced with-
Yet, I still do not want this body

I don’t want the pain that comes with it-
The over sexualized nature and preconceptions that are forced onto every girl-
I reject that life.
I reject the idea that I fit into one body or the other
I deny gender roles and live authentically in my body-

I am a non-binary Goddexx twisting and testing the world at all its bounds-
I lost my body, my soul, my fight when I was a woman-

Rejecting gender helped me find myself-
I wanted to erase myself off the face of the earth-
to crush my spirit, hide my face, and cover my body.

Your male gaze, feels toxic- POISONIOUS-
Melting me into nothing- trying desperately to be unnoticed, unheard, invisible

I was born into a foreign body, one I did not understand
Now, I live as two- embracing the feminine and masculine divine
Rebelling against gender norms-
Living perfectly content in this new body
My pronouns have changed- I go by They/Them
My name has been re-invented- refined into a powerful, new me

I understand, that you do not-
That my pronouns, my gender fluidity, and my clothing are almost too much for you to bare- and yet, I still exist-
You cannot erase me, even though you try
You cannot classify me as “other”- for I exist

Why is it that we must exist in so much pain for wanting to truly live as oneself?
Female, Male- which one are you?
Have you had the surgery?
Does your family know?

These questions- blur your mind, making it difficult to see us as human-
as another living person who deserves life
Who deserves to identify any way they like!
Embracing something that is different, does not stop you from living-

It allows you to open your mind
To something raw, real, and utterly beautiful

Let us show you the ways of the Goddexx- we have been waiting for your arrival
There is nothing we cannot do together- as long as we try
We are magic, we are human, and we are deserving
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