I feel mad.
Mad for pain and damage
likely to stay forever, and irreversible
Pain too strong to heal
Mad for seconds passing like clouds in a storm
For anxiety and withering
Withering from thought to body.
I feel torn
Torn between denial and happiness
Between decisions that could make or break
Between influences too difficult to escape.
I feel regret
Regret for always listening
For being the one I was trained to be
For letting others get into my head.
I feel pain
Pain for myself but others now too
Pain that should have never surfaced
Not for me
AND NOT FOR OTHERS
But now
Now
I feel grateful
Grateful for cleared vision
For opportunities I never saw coming
And above all
For those always there
Those that make me whole.