Nepantling

I'm Nepantling, as I have been.
Nepantla is the borderland, the in-between.
But much more than a place,
Nepantla is a state of being.
Contradictory and ambiguous,
Where white and black are grey,
Nepantla is a state of doing.

So I am Nepantling, as I have been.
They've told me I need to improve the race,
They've told me I am dark-skinned,
Prieta.
Who told me? When did they tell me?
The "American dream" I have pursued,
And for what motive?

I'm Nepantling, as I have been.
Representando my culture,
Orgullosamente representing.
But, who do I represent?

Dual citizenship and dual identity,
Contradictions.
Who am I? What am I?
My friends say, you're a gringa now!
But I didn't want to be.

I have been Nepantling,
Walking in someone else's shoes.
Of somebody who they told me I must be.
A güerita, a gringuita, an immigrant with papers.
An American citizen at last,
At last? But I was born in America.
America is my land.
It was ours before they took it from us.

I have been Nepantling,
Looking for the authenticity I thought I possessed,
Tolerating the contradictions I find.
Embracing the American dream,
Of being who I am without having to wonder.
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