Love is often described as a magical thing. Whenever I read books about people falling in love they describe it like the most wonderful, amazing thing to ever exist. But I don't believe love is any of those things. I do believe in love, don't get me wrong, yet it's not the only thing in the world that matters to me. Dare I even say it is pretty low on my list of priorities. I've not even experienced anything like how they describe it in the books and movies. I feel like love is a soft blanket you slowly but surely fold around you more tightly on a cold winter day. Love is in understanding someone and feeling like yourself when they are around. There is magic to be found in anything mundane and simple but love on its own isn't what I thought it would be like. I've never experienced love at first sight, or even a simple crush. But the partner I'm with now I've met once upon a blue moon. Though that sounds way too romantic for what it really was.
It started about a year ago, I'd often be so up in my own head that I needed to go outside to stop thinking for a bit. This particular night it was 3 o'clock and I'd been lying wide awake for far too long. I sneaked out of my parent's house to take a walk in the woods, which might sound like a dumb idea, but I didn't care at the time. I absolutely love wandering around the woods in the middle of the night, everything is so peaceful yet kind of eerie. Somehow, I'd always end up at the same exact spot every single time. There is this tiny little lake, more like a pond now that I think about it, surrounded fully by trees. Only a small parting in the trees has made for a way to get into the surreal little spot. Here I will sit down on a big rock close to the water. You would expect the water to smell bad, since it never moves, but because the sun doesn't easily reach the little spot the smell isn't that bad. It usually smells like mud and ground, sometimes with a hint of sweetness from a bunch of flowers. And on the most beautiful of nights there are even fireflies around making it feel like a mystical world on its own. I always half expect there to live little fairies who build their houses in the dead tree stumps and under mushrooms.
I sat in my favourite little spot just looking around in awe for how beautiful nature can be. High in the sky I could see a glimpse of a full moon, which had a blueish tint to it. When a person came out through the little opening in the trees. I had not heard anyone coming towards me, all sucked up in my own thoughts. A logical reaction would have been for me to jump up and run or get ready for a fight. I did neither of those things, I just looked at the person coming towards me in awe. I could see why people would call others attractive, but I don't think I can describe someone like that, since I've never felt that type of attraction. But I think other people would for sure call this person very attractive, dare I say they would use words as ‘smash' or ‘hot'.
"Uhm, hi?", they said very warily. I understand the confusion, I wouldn't have expected myself here either. "Hi", I decided responding would be smarter that just staring straight at them. They seemed to have decided that I was safe and just sat down next to me on my rock. Weird of me to call it MY rock, but I'd sit down there often, and it just felt like the right type of thought. Normally sitting silently next to someone random, like I'd often had to do on the bus, would be very awkward. But this silence was refreshing, it felt like a good type of silence. As if somehow, I found someone who understands me on a deeper level, but without even talking really.
After that first night there were sporadically more of these little moments. The more we'd hang out the more we got to know each other. We never met up by texting, I hadn't gotten their number, nor did they have mine, but just by being there at the same time. Sometimes there would be a whole month in which we wouldn't hang out and other times it was about every day. They told me their name is Aspen, which is a type of tree I suppose and that they prefer they/them pronouns even though they don't mind he/him pronouns either. We'd always be talking about anything and everything and at other times we'd just sit in silent enjoying the company. Somewhere, months after meeting, there was a time where we didn't meet up very often. I hadn't seen them in a month or maybe longer. I was very busy and doing a lot of things for school, but this one night I couldn't stay inside any longer. I just felt this urge to go out to the woods. I walked my usual route and stopped every now and then to just listen to the sounds of the woods. Once I came to our spot, it hadn't felt like just mine anymore in a long time, I saw them sitting on our rock.
"I'm not really surprised to see you here", I said softly while sitting down next to them. "I'm just as surprised at you being here of course. Good to see you again Sage", they chuckled softly after saying so. I leaned against their shoulder and we just sat like that for some time. We hadn't noticed how silent the world felt or that snow had started falling down at first. But once I did notice I jumped up and pulled Aspen up with me. Aspen had this look in his eyes that I had never seen before, at the time I didn't realise it, but now that I think about it they looked at me like they were in love with me. The other way around must've been about the same thing, because the way they looked with some snow in their hair made me feel different. We danced around in the falling snow, laughing and just looking at one another.
At some point we stopped dancing and playing around and stared into the other's eyes. We both had these huge smiles plastered onto our faces and a heart that was racing, wanting to get closer to the other. We set little steps closer to the other until there was just some breath between us and the world around did not seem to exist anymore. And then we kissed. Now I would just love to tell you it was the most magical thing in the world and fireworks exploded around us. But it was really a bit gross and awkward and neither of liked doing so.
That is the one thing the media had never prepared me for is being different and not falling in love the same as most people. It had nothing to do with them, I really like them and did for sure fall in love somewhere in the process. But I don't feel sexual attraction to others and kissing is kind of a part of that. I had considered being asexual a while ago, but I hadn't really thought about it a lot. I felt like I just needed to meet the right person still or that I was not ready for those type of feelings. But after that kiss I figured out more and more about myself and the way I experience attraction. Luckily my now partner, Aspen, is also on the asexual spectrum. This way we can figure things out together, possibly after some time we will feel sexual attraction for one another. But there is no rush in figuring things out as there is no rush in figuring out love either.
Love has its own timeline it follows. That doesn't mean that everyone will find a romantic partner, some people do not experience romantic love. But platonic love is maybe even more important than romantic love. I found my love once upon a blue moon and I think that is the most magical thing of all. Surrounding yourself with the right kind of people is what magic feels like.
It started about a year ago, I'd often be so up in my own head that I needed to go outside to stop thinking for a bit. This particular night it was 3 o'clock and I'd been lying wide awake for far too long. I sneaked out of my parent's house to take a walk in the woods, which might sound like a dumb idea, but I didn't care at the time. I absolutely love wandering around the woods in the middle of the night, everything is so peaceful yet kind of eerie. Somehow, I'd always end up at the same exact spot every single time. There is this tiny little lake, more like a pond now that I think about it, surrounded fully by trees. Only a small parting in the trees has made for a way to get into the surreal little spot. Here I will sit down on a big rock close to the water. You would expect the water to smell bad, since it never moves, but because the sun doesn't easily reach the little spot the smell isn't that bad. It usually smells like mud and ground, sometimes with a hint of sweetness from a bunch of flowers. And on the most beautiful of nights there are even fireflies around making it feel like a mystical world on its own. I always half expect there to live little fairies who build their houses in the dead tree stumps and under mushrooms.
I sat in my favourite little spot just looking around in awe for how beautiful nature can be. High in the sky I could see a glimpse of a full moon, which had a blueish tint to it. When a person came out through the little opening in the trees. I had not heard anyone coming towards me, all sucked up in my own thoughts. A logical reaction would have been for me to jump up and run or get ready for a fight. I did neither of those things, I just looked at the person coming towards me in awe. I could see why people would call others attractive, but I don't think I can describe someone like that, since I've never felt that type of attraction. But I think other people would for sure call this person very attractive, dare I say they would use words as ‘smash' or ‘hot'.
"Uhm, hi?", they said very warily. I understand the confusion, I wouldn't have expected myself here either. "Hi", I decided responding would be smarter that just staring straight at them. They seemed to have decided that I was safe and just sat down next to me on my rock. Weird of me to call it MY rock, but I'd sit down there often, and it just felt like the right type of thought. Normally sitting silently next to someone random, like I'd often had to do on the bus, would be very awkward. But this silence was refreshing, it felt like a good type of silence. As if somehow, I found someone who understands me on a deeper level, but without even talking really.
After that first night there were sporadically more of these little moments. The more we'd hang out the more we got to know each other. We never met up by texting, I hadn't gotten their number, nor did they have mine, but just by being there at the same time. Sometimes there would be a whole month in which we wouldn't hang out and other times it was about every day. They told me their name is Aspen, which is a type of tree I suppose and that they prefer they/them pronouns even though they don't mind he/him pronouns either. We'd always be talking about anything and everything and at other times we'd just sit in silent enjoying the company. Somewhere, months after meeting, there was a time where we didn't meet up very often. I hadn't seen them in a month or maybe longer. I was very busy and doing a lot of things for school, but this one night I couldn't stay inside any longer. I just felt this urge to go out to the woods. I walked my usual route and stopped every now and then to just listen to the sounds of the woods. Once I came to our spot, it hadn't felt like just mine anymore in a long time, I saw them sitting on our rock.
"I'm not really surprised to see you here", I said softly while sitting down next to them. "I'm just as surprised at you being here of course. Good to see you again Sage", they chuckled softly after saying so. I leaned against their shoulder and we just sat like that for some time. We hadn't noticed how silent the world felt or that snow had started falling down at first. But once I did notice I jumped up and pulled Aspen up with me. Aspen had this look in his eyes that I had never seen before, at the time I didn't realise it, but now that I think about it they looked at me like they were in love with me. The other way around must've been about the same thing, because the way they looked with some snow in their hair made me feel different. We danced around in the falling snow, laughing and just looking at one another.
At some point we stopped dancing and playing around and stared into the other's eyes. We both had these huge smiles plastered onto our faces and a heart that was racing, wanting to get closer to the other. We set little steps closer to the other until there was just some breath between us and the world around did not seem to exist anymore. And then we kissed. Now I would just love to tell you it was the most magical thing in the world and fireworks exploded around us. But it was really a bit gross and awkward and neither of liked doing so.
That is the one thing the media had never prepared me for is being different and not falling in love the same as most people. It had nothing to do with them, I really like them and did for sure fall in love somewhere in the process. But I don't feel sexual attraction to others and kissing is kind of a part of that. I had considered being asexual a while ago, but I hadn't really thought about it a lot. I felt like I just needed to meet the right person still or that I was not ready for those type of feelings. But after that kiss I figured out more and more about myself and the way I experience attraction. Luckily my now partner, Aspen, is also on the asexual spectrum. This way we can figure things out together, possibly after some time we will feel sexual attraction for one another. But there is no rush in figuring things out as there is no rush in figuring out love either.
Love has its own timeline it follows. That doesn't mean that everyone will find a romantic partner, some people do not experience romantic love. But platonic love is maybe even more important than romantic love. I found my love once upon a blue moon and I think that is the most magical thing of all. Surrounding yourself with the right kind of people is what magic feels like.