What can you do 
When your mother states
"You're on the shelf, 
Past your sell-by-date"?

Say, "Gee Mom, thanks, 
But I'm happy as me." 
She sighs, teary eyed. 
You give in; say, "We'll see." 

How about a night on the town? 
High heels and fizz; buy a new gown 
Sore head, sore feet, 
Call a taxi, sit down.

How about a dating app? 
Personal profile to complete,
Tell a few fibs, a makeover too
"Is that really me?" No! Press "delete." 

How about a lonely-hearts ad? 
A dollar a word, "reduced to clear,"
Just the place for a bargain date, 
Simple, anonymous, not too dear.

"Single lady, loves cats,
WLTM like-minded man for movies, mojitos and chats."

Ooh batty cat laydee, 
Put my slippers by yours,
We can sip hot cocoas 
And play some dominoes...

"Single YOUNG WOMAN, loves cats,
WLTM like-minded man for movies, mojitos and chats."

I'm allergic to cats, 
But if you come to my crash
I'll break into a sweat, 
Not into a rash.

"Single young woman, LOVES cats,
WLTM like-minded man for movies, mojitos and chats."

I worship cats, 
Like an ancient Egyptian;
My Cleopatra! 
Are you ready for my adoration?

"Single young woman, FOND of cats,
WLTM like-minded man for movies, mojitos and chats."

Some say I'm a cat snob, 
But a rare pedigree breed
Is a cut above "moggy,"
Don't you agree?

"Single young woman, fond of MOGGY-TYPE cats,
WLTM like-minded man for movies, mojitos and chats."

We know each other 
On the cosmic plane,
My karma cat spirit's 
A link in your chain.

"Single young woman, fond, IN A NORMAL, SANE WAY, of moggy-type cats, 
WLTM like-minded man for movies, mojitos and chats."

Would your little pussy 
Like a canoodle
With my big hairy 
Labradoodle?

"Single young woman, fond, in a normal, sane way, of moggy-type cats, 
WLTM like-minded man for MOVIES AND CHATS."

Actually...

Single young woman, happy that way, 
Curls up with her cats at the end of the day, 
Would NOT like to meet you, you're all really weird!
She'll be fine by herself, the advert's been cleared!