You slump
in one of the chairs
up by the altar
looking out
at the empty room
not seeing
Kendra sits
beside you
back straight
eyes alert
and she says,
“you wanted
to talk to me
about something?”
you nod
rub your face
and start.
You watch her
as the words
you’ve hardly spoken
the story
in it’s entirety
slides foreign
and broken
from your throat.
She does not shrink
from the meaning
or the convulsions
in your voice
only listens
only listens
you told her
this was training
to tell an adult
and that’s true
but you should
have said
“we’re friends
and I just
wanted you
to know”
you love her
and the end
catches
in your breath
your teeth.
“I just wish
there was an
‘I was almost abducted
by a pedophile
support group”
you say
you’re laugh
might have been
a sob
She spreads her hand
across your back
trailing warmth
across your shoulder blades
rubbing circles
with her thumb
you don’t look at her
knowing there’s a question
or maybe just concern
in her eyes
her mouth opens
without words
and your running
your tongue
across your dry teeth
and taste nothing
and you wonder
if you remembered
to pack your toothbrush
this time
and you wonder
if you’ll go back
to not talking about him
in the morning
but that night
you lay down next to Byron
on the stiff
indifferent
ground
they turn to you,
stretch out their arms
and you can’t see their face
in the dark
but you remember
the way
they press their forehead
into yours
and grin
their lopsided
open mouthed
smile
and huff out
stuttering words
of greeting
and affection.
In the moonlit
sanctuary
they run their fingers
over the palm of your hand
and whisper,
“Soul...”
the universe expanding
in the ellipses
your breath catches
your ears straining
someone sniffs
off to your left
and a boy
and girl
you don’t know
mutter sweetness
that ecos
across the sleeping bags
and you say,
“about that thing
I wanted to tell you”
not caring who else hears you
as you start the story
again
they coo
and whimper
and whisper
“I’m sorry”
and you don’t
remember
if you said,
“don’t be”
but you think
you said,
“I love you”
which is good
because that’s what you
meant.
in one of the chairs
up by the altar
looking out
at the empty room
not seeing
Kendra sits
beside you
back straight
eyes alert
and she says,
“you wanted
to talk to me
about something?”
you nod
rub your face
and start.
You watch her
as the words
you’ve hardly spoken
the story
in it’s entirety
slides foreign
and broken
from your throat.
She does not shrink
from the meaning
or the convulsions
in your voice
only listens
only listens
you told her
this was training
to tell an adult
and that’s true
but you should
have said
“we’re friends
and I just
wanted you
to know”
you love her
and the end
catches
in your breath
your teeth.
“I just wish
there was an
‘I was almost abducted
by a pedophile
support group”
you say
you’re laugh
might have been
a sob
She spreads her hand
across your back
trailing warmth
across your shoulder blades
rubbing circles
with her thumb
you don’t look at her
knowing there’s a question
or maybe just concern
in her eyes
her mouth opens
without words
and your running
your tongue
across your dry teeth
and taste nothing
and you wonder
if you remembered
to pack your toothbrush
this time
and you wonder
if you’ll go back
to not talking about him
in the morning
but that night
you lay down next to Byron
on the stiff
indifferent
ground
they turn to you,
stretch out their arms
and you can’t see their face
in the dark
but you remember
the way
they press their forehead
into yours
and grin
their lopsided
open mouthed
smile
and huff out
stuttering words
of greeting
and affection.
In the moonlit
sanctuary
they run their fingers
over the palm of your hand
and whisper,
“Soul...”
the universe expanding
in the ellipses
your breath catches
your ears straining
someone sniffs
off to your left
and a boy
and girl
you don’t know
mutter sweetness
that ecos
across the sleeping bags
and you say,
“about that thing
I wanted to tell you”
not caring who else hears you
as you start the story
again
they coo
and whimper
and whisper
“I’m sorry”
and you don’t
remember
if you said,
“don’t be”
but you think
you said,
“I love you”
which is good
because that’s what you
meant.