Silenced Danger from the Trusted

il y a
2 min
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lecture
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author of the sci-fi detective series The Casebook of Elisha Grey pub'd @ smashwords.com; acupuncturist, martial artist, poet & animal lover. facebook/TheCasebookOfElishaGrey @docladyhawke  [+]

Image de Hiver 2017
Voices rise in a clarion call
Warning of “stranger danger”
For some of us long since grown
The danger was known:
Someone we trusted
We depended upon
We trusted to love us –
What happened to us
Had no witness
And we could not testify.

We hide this kernel of our history:
Our sexual abuser was
Our father
Or mother
Our sister
Or brother
An uncle
Or aunt
A grandparent,
A neighbor –
A trusted authority
Like a teacher
Or preacher
Or coach.

If we’re lucky we come to realize
The soil in which they sowed their seed:
A twisted sexuality
They thought gave them power
They wielded it upon us
Through control
Manipulation
Domination
Coercion
When we were just children.
We were their playthings
Like new toys we were broken
Inside and out.

What did they break?
The sanctity of our soul
Our childhood innocence
Our ability to trust
To build intimacy
That fosters loving kindness.
We grew up among adults
Who were predators
And as we grew
We knew anyone
Could be one of them:
Someone we loved
Yet feared to trust
Someone we gave
Our body to
Even though
We didn’t love them.

They acted on a script
Written by someone older
Someone they trusted
Because they too
Were seen as playthings,
Their innocence unimportant.
So they continued the chain
Of disregarding the integrity
Of another human being
For the sake of a sex act
That brings no true joy
To anyone:
How could it ever?
For sex to bring joy
It needs to be between
Equals
People
Not things
In trust
With love
With kindness

We can learn
How to reclaim ourselves
The work is hard
The work is long
The work is in confidence
With people we learn
That we may trust.

We know others won’t embark
On our journey but choose
To continue to see
The children close to them
As prey:
So they feel powerful
And fail to see
They too had a reason
To be fearful.
We understand.
We live with that fear
And unravel it
Day by day
To this day.

We don’t tell anyone
Because no one wants to hear
That the betrayal of years ago
Happened in the sacred fold
Of family and friends
We didn’t know what to say
Because we didn’t have the words
And those around us in that sacred fold
May have never known
Or they believed their not speaking
Would help us forget –
Yet our bodies carry the memory.
With trust betrayed
Who can we trust
With bearing witness
To our brokenness?

We remember:
Sometimes, always;
Sometimes, suddenly;
In the midst of being
The responsible adult
The father or mother
The aunt or uncle
The preacher or teacher
The family friend
Entrusted with children
And the memory blossoms
Like a fresh flower
Even though our garden
Was turned under long ago.

Our sexuality
Is integral to our person
It was betrayed
When we barely knew
Who we were
Who we would become.
Our first lesson in life
Was that our body
Was at someone’s mercy
And not worthy of respect.
So we keep our distance
To feel safe
We aren’t sure we can trust
Even though we may love
And when the memories return
We wonder:
How do we love?
How do we know who loves us?
What is relationship?
What to accept
And what to refuse?

We struggle in silence
To comprehend what we were not:
Not the cause
Not to blame
Not responsible
And to understand our abuser
Wasn’t abusing us
Because they never realized
We openly trusted them;
They only saw an object.
They may never understand
They did this to us
Because they followed an example.

If you think of a child
In a sexual way
As an object of your desire
Ask for help.
What you do in a moment
Lasts that child’s lifetime
We live with that moment
Yesterday, today, and
For all of our tomorrows.
Don’t make children of today
Become the adults we are today.
See the chain of your impulse
for what it is.
Break the chain.

c. 2016 Isabeau Vollhardt
WGAW Registration pending
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