Yes, it’s a secret. I haven’t told anybody! Especially not him!
I have already tried to leave him, but when I tell him I’ve had enough, that I can’t stand it anymore, he does everything he can to make me stay. So, one night, I took a deep breath, I chose a date and I swore to myself I would go through with it. Ever since then, I have been reveling in the thought that he doesn’t suspect anything.
I no longer grumble. He tells me he wants to watch the soccer on television. No problem! I have no objections. Soon I will be able to get rid of the sports channels! He does no housework – I am not even sure if he knows where I keep the vacuum and how to use it— but it doesn’t matter. I no longer sigh when he makes do with lifting his feet up. Some nights he leaves me to see his mates. “Don’t you mind?” “No, you go!” I use the time to see my girlfriends, telling myself that I need to get used to my future life.
I have neglected my friends for my marriage; I have to catch up with them again. I have a sudden desire to take care of myself. I went to the hairdresser; I even had a manicure. At home, I no longer spend my time moaning at him, what’s the point? I have already told him everything three million times, why waste any more time? And then, I have made a note of the date, I have said that I would stick to it, I just have to wait. I no longer tell him endlessly about my life. I have finally understood that he could not care less about what I am up to.
The weird thing is, he is starting to act strangely. He is paying me attention, asking me how my day has been. Since I learned to keep my mouth closed, he has felt like opening his. Amazing, isn’t it? He asks me questions, he even seems interested in me. He pays me loads of compliments; he noticed my nails. And for the first time ever, he has gone as far as organizing a weekend away that he himself called a romantic weekend. I don’t know what he is playing at. I even wonder if he might suspect something. But I am not going to play his game. He doesn’t know that I know that he knows! I am the one in the position of strength. Grrrr… Except, of course, if he does know that I know that he knows.
In short, I have committed myself. The date is getting closer. I have a meeting with the lawyer. I am certainly not going to cancel it…
But he is starting to be really sweet. He even made me a cake last Thursday. My husband! A cake! Well, it was inedible, but still…
I must not let myself be taken in, this is all very suspicious!
Unless he has changed because I have stopped moaning all the time?
It doesn’t matter, D day is coming. I am still going ahead… Tough!
Translated by Wendy Cross