The Entombment of Hope

Image of May

May

125 readings

14 votes

Have you ever thought about the value of things around you?

Have you thought about opportunities that you have missed?

Have you thought about leaving life?

Or about suicide?

I have.

I’m writing this diary to distract myself from these things. These things that are typically frowned upon by society. The inner negativity that everyone has but chooses to ignore. I try hard to free myself from the restrictions around me; around my face, my hands, and everywhere in this exile. Even the sun, I can’t feel the heat of the sun or the sun’s rays on my body any more. My body, which has no soul, no longer feels alive. My senses are slowly but surely fading. I used to wake up early every morning to watch the sunrise; It used to grant me hope and a tranquil calm feeling. I used to feel positive about my day. I used to feel that life was renewed every morning. I used to close my eyes and imagine life in all its greatness. Everyday was a hopeful day. Everyday was a new start and to chase a dream. This has all faded away now.

Now, every morning I lose a bit more of myself, my soul, and one of my many dreams. I don’t get any joy from watching the sunrise anymore, hell, I don’t even wake up in the morning to catch the sunrise. I am too afraid of the new dawn, as I know deep inside that I will be losing a bit more of my soul again.

Oh, I forget to mention my name, I’m Megan and I’m a business woman. I have several companies in the United States. I dreamed to continue my business to reach all the countries in the world. I loved my work, and I loved life, but life didn’t love me back. Let’s go back in time, to three years ago, when I was with my friends driving from my hometown Los Angeles to Las Vegas and you know, it’s not easy or safe to drive on a rainy, foggy day. There were four of us, so every couple of hours we changed the role of the driver. We were enthusiastic about this trip. It had beena while since our last road trip. It usually takes four hours to reach Las Vegas, but because of the rain we took six hours. After four hours, it was my turn to drive. I was sleepy, and I didn’t think I could drive. Emily, my friend, who was driving, said with a sleepy tone “Come on Megan, I want to take a nap, wake me up after one hour and I will drive again.”

I accepted the deal, and I played my favorite songs to inspire me while driving. I felt there was heaviness on my eyelids that kept me closing my eyes every second. I was trying to concentrate on the road with my drowsy eyes. Suddenly, a very loud voice came with a flashing light. I tried to open my eyes, but I couldn’t because of the bright light, it was not until I recovered in the hospital had I realize what that sound was.

I woke up in the hospital and I realized that I had experienced a horrible accident, and noone from my car was alive except me. Such a tragic ending to what had promised to be an exciting trip. I cried until my tears and my soul were empty when the doctor told me the bad news. A couple of days later, the doctor asked me to do full checkup, to be sure that everything was fine. I did, and everything was not fine.

I was diagnosed with stage 3 skin cancer. All those days under the sun rays, on the beach are now over. The sun that I truly endeared and loved, I can no longer enjoy. I was stunned and could not comprehend everything that has happened or what I have been told. This was when my treatment journey began, three long years ago. It feels like a lifetime ago after all that I have gone through, still, the cancer and the loss of my friends haunts me daily.

I have no one anymore, except my sister who is serving in the Peace Corps and is not reachable, except by letter. I am left alone with my curse, my friends are dead, and I only have 1 month to live. I am alone with my thoughts and this diary. I am writing this diary to share my pain with this paper, hoping that I do not have to endure this life much longer..

I am now writing the final page of my diary. If I have learned anything in this life, it is this: Don’t wait for dreams to come to you, start chasing them now, because you never know what the future holds.

Two weeks later, Lizzy arrived at the hospital only to be given the news that Meghan had passed on to the other side. Lizzy was given the diary from Meghan’s final weeks and began to read through her pain.

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