I miss my sister

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Jury Selection

There is a pain in me that speaks before it is told
It robs me of my self-control
It pushes me to the floor, strips me bare
And has the audacity to ask me for more
Of the many rooms in my mind
The master bedroom is yours
And I am left with no choice
But to open its doors
And surrender to the flashbacks
Of your beautiful, big brown eyes
My heart races at the thought
Of your bright, white smile
I feel my throat closing
As regret lays on my pounding chest
With agony, I plead to the sky
I beg whoever resides in it
To rewind time and let me return
To the time I had you
My soul feels empty as I reminisce
On our timeless time together
Little did I know what you felt inside
Little did I know what consumed you
One pill after another
One sleepless night after another
It’s a combination of sorrow and anger
It’s a combination of blaming you and blaming me
If your name is ever uttered
I watch dad stare into space without a word
The man who always has something to say
Suddenly doesn’t have anything to say
And I run from my wandering thoughts
Of what must consume him in those moments
My mind traces back to every smile and every laugh
Because there is no end to my questioning
Of what I missed
What I could have overlooked
What I should have done differently
If I had been around one time instead of the other
If I had looked less at us, and just more at you
Maybe, just maybe
You would still be sitting next to me today
Guiding me through these days
Instead I lay here
Searching for answers to questions
That only you can answer
But all I can do now is reminisce.
- I miss my sister


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